The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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