i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
