I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
