im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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