you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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