Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
