Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My balls are so social today.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
