Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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