but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
