my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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