Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
