We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
