i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
