Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she looked like the before picture.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
