also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
