to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
