Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
