How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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