No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
