OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
