Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
