'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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