This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
