I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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