You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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