i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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