I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
