I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
