Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize