So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
