Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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