Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize