im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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