I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
