Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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