i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
