You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
