Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
