I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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