Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
