I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
