Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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