im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
