She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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