I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize