My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
