Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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