not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize