bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
