Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize