The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
