Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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