had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
