Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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