Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
