a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
