Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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