in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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