From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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