You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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