Kareoke will never be a sober sport
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
