nut hugger
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
