I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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