So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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