I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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