He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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