Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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