We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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