If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize