He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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