Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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