she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize