I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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