Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
In America we eat man semen.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
